Monday, November 5, 2012

What Is The Cure For Loneliness?

As the winter months approach and the cold weather is upon us there is a natural desire for cozy comfort. It's chilly outside and the fireplace is blazing, you have the coziest blanket in the house wrapped around you, and a nice warm cup of hot cocoa but something is missing. You suddenly feel very lonely. The dreary weather brings you down lower and you decide to indulge in a book. When you tire of the book you realize that you are insanely bored and you feel even lonelier. So you call up some friends and ask them to go out. The evening is eventful you meet a lot of interesting people but when the night ends you head home and again you feel very lonely. Actually when you start thinking about it you were feeling lonely even when you were sitting at the table with your friends. Looking back you realize that you feel lonely all the time it doesn't matter who is around. It's time to suck it up and find a partner. Maybe a blind date or an internet dating site. You search the personals and you go on a few dates and you meet up with someone for coffee.
Wow you click! It's awesome! This person is good looking, has a great job, likes the same music you do, and even seems to care about their health. You decide to go on a few more dates and the honeymoon period begins. Life is Grand! Is this the cure for loneliness? You found someone else who was just as lonely as you and now you have each other and your sitting in front of the fireplace with your warm blanket and hot cup of cocoa and something is missing. You suddenly feel very lonely.
I read a story once about a hunter lost in the forest. He was lost for days and days and was becoming hungry and scared. All the hunter wanted was to find someone. After four days of being lost and having no food the hunter found someone and he became so ecstatic. The other guy asked why he was so excited and he told him that he was lost and all he prayed for was to find someone. Coincidentally the other guy was lost too and was hoping for days to find someone. Hmmmm sounds really familiar doesn't it? On that note I doubt that the cure for loneliness has anything to do with finding the perfect partner.
In truth the only real cure for loneliness is embracing it and realizing that we will always be alone. There is nothing wrong with being alone. When a person is alone they have no one else's drama or issues interfering with their life. A partner may seem to solve the problem but you will never get over loneliness until you are comfortable being alone. It's kind of like saying if you learn to like something it can not hurt you anymore. If you teach yourself how to do math it won't be painful to do it anymore. If you are scared to jump out of a plane and do it you no longer have the fear to jump out of the plane anymore.
Embrace the thing that scares you the most, that causes you the pain and suddenly you have the cure. It works with everything. It all depends on your own personal perspective. If you go into it by saying I am going to get over my issue of eating vegetables with the perspective that you are forcing yourself to do something you just do not want to do than you can pretty much be sure that you will have a life long hatred of vegetables. But if you go into it with the perspective that you wish you really liked vegetables more and you will do your best try a few everyday and not give up more likely you have cured your issue of not eating your veggies. Doesn't hurt to try? At least with the right perspective.
So how do you cure loneliness. Stop being lonely! Love the time you have with yourself. Let the anxiety of being alone go and enjoy it! Believe it or not it really will go away! Actually if you can embrace loneliness it will make being with another person much easier because if it doesn't work out you will not have the fear of being alone.

"Only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core into the other person -- without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without creating "the other," reducing the other into a thing, and without becoming addicted with the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other." ~Osho