Tuesday, September 14, 2010
We have all had someone hurt our feelings before. It happens everyday on a daily basis to just about everyone. When someone says something that offends us or we see as disrespectful we take it personally. Why is that? Why when we are in line at the grocery store and the cashier is distant and rude and possibly even snaps at us do we take it personally and allow it to hurt us? Why if our mother, brother, child, or partner says something with a bad attitude, calls us a name, or intentionally does something that they know will upset us do we take it personal?
Our human hearts are bruised easily but we can avoid this if we can remember one thing. If we did not intentionally do something to someone to provoke a negative response and they lash out at us in a negative way then it is their problem not ours! If the cashier had a bad morning before work or was just reprimanded by her boss more than likely she took it personal and is having a hard time interacting with customers therefore when she is negative to you it is her problem. We need to have compassion and realize something in that persons life isn't right for them to be behaving this way towards you. If you purposefully did something to provoke the cashier and they respond this way then it is expected and therefore it really is your problem and maybe you need to reassess how you deal with them in the future. Or just plainly admit it to yourself and apologize to them. You may even get a smile for being the bigger person
There are many different scenarios for this and in everyone the outcome is the same. If you did not intentionally provoke a negative response you have no need to take how you were treated personally and be hurt. If you go to a party and you are feeling so good because you have a new dress and you had your hair done and the hostess sneers at you how does this make you feel? Most people will take it personal and feel rejection and allow it to ruin their evening or even go as far as being a bad mood and taking the emotion out on someone else. But what if when the hostess sneered at you, you laughed inside. Oh my goodness she is being so silly. I bet she is jealous and loves my dress or maybe she thinks all the attention will be on me and not her because I look so nice to night. I think I will compliment her on her dress. Even if she doesn't respond positively you made it a point to be the bigger person and you realized that the other person had a problem and there was nothing wrong with you or the way you looked.
Here is another one. It's time for dinner and your child has to come in from outside to wash up. You call them more than once and finally you have to go out and get them. He or she is so upset that you tore them away from having a good time you hear a response like, mommy why do you always ruin my fun I hate you, or daddy you are so mean you never let me have fun with my friends when I want to you I like mommy better. None of these responses should make you feel bad especially the one where your child tells you they like the other parent better. Kids are smart and they begin at an early age what to say to make their parents feel bad. Its your child's problem not yours. You did not bring your child in because you are mean you want to feed them. You are not the bad parent because you went out to bring them in for dinner. Guess what though, a lot of parents take what their kids say personally.
There is not one case you can bring up to me where you should take a negative emotion given to you by someone else personal if you did not do something negative to provoke it.
Once you begin to realize not to take other peoples statements personal you will start to feel very empowered. You will realize you are happier more often. You do not eve have to bring it to the other persons attention when they behave this way all it will do is start a negative fight. If you merely have compassion for the other persons response and realize it is their problem and not yours you have let it go and you take no responsibility for it and you are the happy one!
Remember there is never a need to take something someone says personal if you did nothing intentional to provoke it!